Sports

Take Me Out to the Food Court

2020/05/07

What better way to whet sports fans’ appetite for the next opening day — whenever that is — than with a competition over the best concession munchies?

 

With a MaxDiff experiment serving as the referee of concessionary competition, the ubiquitous slice of pizza emerges as the most desired stadium snack food, and the All-American hamburger or cheeseburger takes the next notch on the medal podium.

 

In this competition there is no bronze medal. Not one other lifespan-depleting stadium snack even qualified for the prelims.

 

Communities nationwide should schedule a day of mourning for the demise of the once-mighty hot dog, which now shares a locker between the putrid cheesesteak and soft (in both texture and skills) pretzel.

 

The only thing sweeter than the kiss cam is ice cream (read: Dippin' Dots). Candy, funnel cakes, and snow cones are as appreciated as peanut shells.

 

Avoiding alcohol during quarantine is a defensible, if not admirable position, but at a sporting event?! Can you really be that into the game?

 

Since no one can take you out to the ballgame any time soon, delivery pizza & burgers will have to do.